Saturday, September 29, 2018

My new life. I love it and I hate it all at the same time.

Last year October happened and I met Mike. He was a puzzle that I wanted desperately to figure out. I was terrified that he wouldn't like me or that I would uncover that he was not as nice as he seemed. Then, after all of my stupid little tests, I couldn't deny that Mike is amazing. Through and through. On the outside he is tall, dark, and handsome as well as kind of intimidating and maybe a little rough around the edges. But getting to know him I have never met anyone as brave and kind and intelligent and good. I love talking to him because he knows so many things. I love picking his brains and discussing anything and everything. I also appreciate his incredible patience with all of the dumb things I want to know and the debates that are probably created over ridiculous things. I just want to know why he thinks what he thinks. He is constantly thinking of others whether that is a couple of toddlers left in the street presumably alone, or my 12 year old brother who is quite the chatterer, he is there listening or helping out. I could talk about my Mike forever, but really we had a perfect courtship. He proposed in February and we got sealed in the Payson temple in May.

Getting married was always something that I wanted to do eventually, but it was terrifying to think about. Trusting somebody to take care of your heart and to accept you for all of your flaws and be willing to work through issues and not just bail when things get tough is all a beautiful thought, but terrifying. I hear all kinds of stories of great love, and then having it all come crumbling down because people stop working at it.
One of my favorite movies is "Definitely, Maybe." Ryan Reynolds is a father describing all of his love encounters to his young daughter and having her guess which one was her mother. There is a part in the movie where he is practicing his marriage proposal on a female friend. The friend is a "modern woman" and brings in a lot of debates of why marriage should even matter. To her it was just a piece of paper the world used to label you. You shouldn't need it if you love someone. Ryan Reynolds goes on about how he loves his girl so much, and when you love somebody that much, the only thing left to do to show them IS to get married and make them yours. I LOVED that part. That is really how I feel about Mike. I never want to ever be away from him and I want the world to know that my heart belongs to him.


Fast forward 5 months and Mike has been at basic training for 2 months at Fort Jackson in South Carolina. This last weekend he reported for duty at AIT for the next 2 and a half months at Fort Bragg in North Carolina. I know that I don't need Mike to "make" me happy, but I can honestly say that having him gone is extremely difficult for me. I love my life and I couldn't be more proud of him for going away and making his dreams come true. Any form of school is hard, but this is extra difficult, lots of disciplining and using fear to motivate. On top of the yelling there are so many push-ups and so much "low-crawling". I don't know how I would have done that! Especially when most forms of communication are withheld. We also live in a world where we are conditioned to never be bored or left waiting for something for long. Being used to having a phone to access anything and everything at the reach of your fingertips is amazing and something that one gets used to. We all are trained to use that as a sort of crutch for whenever we feel the tiniest bit uncomfortable. Basic training kills that really fast. You aren't allowed to have access to your phone and often are left standing for hours doing nothing. Talk about kicking a habit cold turkey!! I used to pride myself in the fact that I wasn't addicted to my phone and I could leave it at home, or in my car for the day and it would be fine. Now that Mike is gone and I am often alone with my own thoughts, its fair to say that I'm fairly addicted. I need me some basic training for that!

Since Mike has been gone I've been lucky. I had the manager position open up at my salon and I got the job. This led me to have a lot of responsibility with lots of hours and a lot of distraction for most hours of the day. I am so happy with my team and am blessed to have this distraction at this time.
My family lives close as well and we have had lots of fun. I've hung out with the cat that lives in my house, done my hair a couple of times in my bathroom by myself, got addicted to a few podcasts, and read a LOT of books. I've watched too many episodes of Psych and Seinfeld, gotten fairly comfortable going to a movie by myself and have found my favorite chair at the library. I also spend many hours at the gym. It's been a while though. Like I said, I am very lucky, but I can't wait until Mike comes home to me.

This last weekend was so difficult for me, but was so needed. I went to Mikes Graduation from Basic training. My parents and Kayli flew out with me. I am so used to being alone and I didn't know how handle juggling so many people at once as well as seeing Mike, so the day before I spent a few hours stressing and preparing myself by myself. It was so much fun hanging out with Kayli and my parents on Tuesday. Then on Wednesday for Family Day I was hit with ALL of the stress. Were we going to make it on time? Then I was supposed to go and relieve him from his formation and I was walking through the most massive crowd and trying to hurry but how was I supposed to find him in a sea of people wearing the same thing? Then I was so nervous to talk to him and see him in real life. It all worked out, but it was overwhelming to say the least. I just wanted to cry and go and process it somewhere where there weren't so many eyes watching. But after a day of chick-fil-a, frisbee, badmitton, all of the food, and mini golf with my family and the in-laws I was ready for a break. I over analyze everything and worried the whole time if Mike was comfortable and if I could have done better at making him know I loved him was on my mind often.

Graduation was faster. Mike's parents picked me up bright and early to go together. We got there a little later, which meant we got parking in the back giving us a faster getaway. We ended up standing WAY to the right of the regular bleachers and the overflow bleachers. The graduates lined up again and then proceeded to march past us and then line up on the field. We were so close to him and so we were able to grab him and make a quick getaway. He was BEYOND happy to get out of there. We drove for a couple of hours to get to Fayetteville, where we were staying before we dropped him off at Fort Bragg.
It's weird being separated from someone for so long and then reuniting for such a quick time. You want to touch them and love them, but you wonder at the same time if it's still allowed or wanted. It all worked out and I wouldn't trade our time together for the world. I am the luckiest girl alive and I am so happy for eternal marriage and that I get to be with Mike forever and we get a lot of time to get to know each other and to argue and love and make a life together. I am hopefully going to use this time alone to improve and learn more about myself and better prepare myself to be the best wife I can be when we live under the same roof again.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I'd have to agree.

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